he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
