Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
