Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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