If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
