I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
