Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
