On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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