Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
