AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
