He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
