as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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