In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
