After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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