I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize