I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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