are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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