I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
