I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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