How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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