So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
