I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
