Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need to calm my uterus...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
