he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
