I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
