dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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