I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
