Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
