i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
