wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
