my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
