She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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