As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
