I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
