Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
