Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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