Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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