I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
