i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
