You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize