i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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