so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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