i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
