i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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