i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
