Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
