If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
