I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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