Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
