Banned from zoo.
Again?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
