Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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