do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
