How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
