i think i have herpe
just one?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
