he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Every concussion has its silver lining
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
