I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
