Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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