when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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