Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize