Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
