i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
