omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
