Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
